*Annette

I got married in 1995 and the following year I had my first child. The day I had gone to deliver he never came to the hospital. When I was discharged I met him in the house and he told me he lost his job. I believed him and accepted him back. He started beating me up for no apparent reason. He started drinking and coming home late, sometimes he would disappear. I talked to him about his behavior but he became more violent and left.

He wanted a second child and I accepted. When I was six months pregnant I noticed he had started seeing another woman. One day I came home from my sister’s house and found his other woman in the house. I questioned him and he gave me slap in front of the lady. She just picked up her things and left. I backed off for fear of loosing my baby.

Some days after that incident he told me he had the right to do anything he wanted to do, he could choose to see other women whenever he felt like and that I could go on and look for someone else if I couldn’t tolerate it.

My pregnancy did not temper my husband’s hectic social life or the other women in his life. It even worsened, and so did the abuse. The day I had the baby the pattern was the same as the first time. He didn’t pay the bills, yet I knew he had the money. I went to live with my sister after I was discharged.

After a short while he came back and I took him in. During the time he was away I never thought of remarrying. I waited for him because I was hoping he would change one day. I wasn’t prepared to start dating another man because doing that in my community is unheard of. My family wouldn’t understand me, and no one knew about what I was going through because I feared he might become worse if I told anyone else.

One night he came back home to pack again. He told me he was leaving me for good. I didn’t chase him away, he just left. I begged him not to leave but I received kicks from him. I tried calling but he never picked his phone. Out of desperation I went to his office to talk to him but he had ordered the security guys not to let me in.

For many years I had been dependent on him, telling myself I can’t make it alone. He had taken advantage of me because he knew I had no money. Raising my children alone without money started to take its toll. I looked for a job as a telephone operator. Slowly there struggled a strong, determined, independent woman. I discovered vast untapped reserves of strength and determination lying dormant inside me.

I decided I didn’t need him anymore, and if came back again I wouldn’t think twice. I got to know about Centre for Rights Education and Awareness W (CREAW) through a friend who advised me to go and seek help. There they got a lawyer for me so that they can take the case to court: make him contribute towards the children’s upkeep. Its still a court case as at now.

*Name withheld on request