African Woman and Child Feature Service

Most men would shudder at the very idea of being a home-maker. Cooking, cleaning up the house and looking after the children are necessary chores but they are also mundane, repetitive and routine. If the woman of the house is deceased, her replacement is sought soon enough to ensure that a man’s home is in order.

This has not been the case for 53 year-old Daniel Odhiambo Okinda who lost his wife to HIV in 2004 and has since been the sole family provider and care-giver to his six children.

This is his story as told to Susan Mwangi:

“I am the father and mother to my six children since my wife died in December 2004 from HIV/AIDs. Before she died, I had never ever imagined myself going to work and then returning home at the end of the day to prepare dinner for my children as well as attend to their assignments.

All this changed after my wife became sickly after the birth of my last born daughter. I took her to Kenyatta hospital where she was admitted for two months until she passed on. When she died, I did not know she was HIV positive.

My moment of truth came after a series of bi-weekly visits to the hospital with my last born daughter, who was then two years, for the treatment of various ailments.  A female nurse at one of the clinics was so concerned that she suggested my daughter and I do a HIV test.

I was devastated at the results and did not know what to do. My children were in school and I was the only parent to them. I was working as a night guard in Ngumba estate with a modest salary of four thousand shillings only. I knew it would not be easy with the medication and upkeep of my family.

Hope came in the form of Women Fighting Aids in Kenya (Wofak) in 2006. Here I started receiving free ARVs for my daughter and myself. Wofak also took two of my elder children through a course in carpentry and hairdressing. My two youngest children also benefit from Wofak’s food programme for children where they are given lunch on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

I joined the monthly group therapy that takes place once a month and became a volunteer in providing home-based care to other members of Wofak who are living with AIDs.

It has not been easy with my daily 6pm to 6am job as a security guard.  I am exposed to the biting cold in the night but I am grateful that I am able to put some bread and butter on the table for my children. At least it is something for the stomach. The ARVs from Wofak have also made a huge difference to my health and wellbeing as I am rarely sickly from opportunistic infections.

As a way of giving back to the society, I volunteer to provide home-based care to those living in Kariobangi North where I also reside. The care involves educating and informing others about positive living, diets that are appropriate and above all giving morale to those who are psychologically weighed down. Sometimes when one of those is sick in bed, as a care giver, I bathe and cook for them until they are better themselves.

It is not an easy job but I understand what they are going through. It does not bother me that I am a man doing work that should be traditionally be done by a woman. Gone are the days when we could chose what to do as necessity of the moment means the person available does the job.

At Wofak, we now have a group of men who meet and talk about HIV and AIDs. We talk about the best way to live, take care of each other and our families as well as advice each other from our experiences.

Men should come together whether they are HIV positive or not and join the cadres of care-givers in Kenya. A lot can be done to change the way people perceive male care-givers. Many men who are living with HIV are still shy and stay at home not knowing how they can benefit from organizations such as Wofak and the great benefits of giving home based care to others.

Just as women have taken over in the corporate world, men should not shy away from care-giving. Like single mothers, men can also successfully run their families providing love, support and care as well as putting food on the table.

At home, my children all understand my HIV positive status and that of their sister who is now seven years and in school. They have learned to be on the lookout for each other and they are quick to remind me and the little girl to take our medication on time.

When I am not home early enough to shop and cook, the forth and fifth born children take turns to cook since the first three have moved out from home to start families of their own.

The current economic slump has affected people like me a lot. The prices of food are on the high side and yet we need to eat healthy meals with the ARV drugs. Other than that, my only problem now is paying high school fees for one of my daughters.”